Love & Heartache
by Mae1
Summary: After breaking her heart, can Jake ever forgive Hamilton?
1. Birthday Surprises

Part 1

Part 1

"I'll be down in a minute," a deep, but feminine voice called down from the top of the stairs. " I just need to find my other earring."

Seconds later, the woman made her way down, dressed in a short, black cocktail dress, her shoulder length hair whisked up in an updo. Upon reaching the bottom of the steps, she was met by a tall and handsome man.

"Not bad, Krudski. For once, you found a suit to fit that lanky body of yours," she said sarcastically. 

"Thanks, I guess. Well, Jake…you look like…totally foxy," he replied knowing how annoyed she got when someone called her that.

"Shut up," hitting him on the chest. "Let's go." They headed out the door and into the crisp and cold air of late winter. 

"I hate New York in March. Its' so…so…I don't know…in between," quipped Jake as they got into the waiting limo. "Thank God spring is just around the corner."

Will and Jake had been roommates for four years now and she never failed to say that at least once every few days in the weeks just before the seasons changed. It was usually when they were forced to leave their Manhattan apartment to go to some formal function, dressed in attire not suitable for such weather.

A short time later, they arrived at their destination. The driver opened the door and immediately flashes of light surrounded them. 

"Ms. Pratt look this way," a random voice exclaimed.

"Mr. Krudski over here!" another shouted.

She smiled as did Will. "Damn paparazzi," muttered Will without ever letting his grim fade. Arm in arm they made their way through the swarm of photographers and into the building.

Releasing their plastered smiles, Jake declared, "I'll never get used to that. It seems like the flashes get brighter and brighter."

Will chuckled, adding, "All for you Pratt—actress extraordinaire!"

"Whatever. Let's take our seats Mr. I-have-an Oscar-winning screenplay." Laughing heartily, they made their way into the theater and sat in their places.

For the two of them, it was still strange to watch their work on screen. Jake had never expected to follow in her mother's footsteps. Becoming an actress was the last thing Jake intended on doing. But she proved to have the gift—her charade as a boy went on convincingly all through high school. Up until graduation day, everyone thought she was a he. Will conveniently worked the truth into his Valedictorian address.

Will was just as amazed at the film he was watching—he had penned it., his sixth screenplay. He had hit it big his sophomore year at Stanford when he wrote a script based on his life at Rawley. Since then, Will was a hot commodity.

The movie ended and was met by a great response. "Don't sweat it Will. It may be March, but this film will definitely be remembered for next year's awards. You'll see," a reporter friend told him. He turned to Jake, "And you Jacqueline, were marvelous. You just keep on getting better and better." Jake and Will beamed and nodded politely as they did their usual routine with journalists at the premiere after party. By one o'clock, they were exhausted and headed home.

"Man do my feet hurt!" Jake cried as she walked through the door. Taking her heels off she added, "I…just…need…to…get…to bed." She started up the stairs when Will's voice called her back. 

"Hey there's some messages on the machine. Might be for you."

Agitated she whined, "Or for you! Will! Leave 'em 'til morning. I'm sleepy!"

He didn't listen. He pressed the Play button and the voice of Bella Banks poured through the machine.

"Jake, where are you? It's after midnight! Just when I thought I would actually get to talk to you, you're not home! N-e-hoo, just calling to say Happy Birthday! I love you! Call me when you get this ok? Tell Will I said hello. Bye!"

"Next new message: 12: 48 am today," the computerized voice of the machine announced. 

"Happy Birthday Jake! It's me Scout…if you don't recognize my voice by now then…well I dunno what. But, don't forget… you, me, Will…birthday lunch…Skyrise…noon. All right, see you then. Sweet dreams."

"Jacqueline…it's Mom, of course. Sorry I couldn't make it back for your birthday. You're present should arrive by this afternoon. I hope you like it. I love you honey. Happy Birthday."

"As usual," declared Jake, with a bit of sarcasm, though she had a broad smile across her face. Her expression altered, however, when she heard the next message. A familiar, but long-heard-from voice expelled from the tape.

"Hey Will. Hi Jake. It's me…Hamilton. It's been awhile huh? Well, uhh…just wanted to congratulate you guys on your new picture. I heard it's great. So…I just wanted to tell you that…umm…I'm going to New York in couple of days. So…hopefully I'll see you guys. I guess that's all. Oh and Happy Birthday Jake."

Jake, who had made her way to the machine and Will stood in shock and silence. They made eye contact and he immediately knew what she was thinking. 

"Jake, talk to me." She stared back at him still not saying anything. "Are you okay?" he inquired taking hold of her arms.

"What do you think? How about NO!" she yelled. She made her way to the sofa and plopped down, flipping on the lamp next to her. Will came and sat on a chair directly across from her. He waited for her to speak. He knew she had some steam to blow.

"Don't hear from the guy in two years and all of a sudden…Hi guys…new picture…heard good things…I'm coming back…Happy Birthday!" she said angrily. 

Nodding in agreement, "I know Jake. I know."

"I mean hello? We've done tons of stuff these past couple of years and I've had birthdays! He didn't call then so why now?" She stopped momentarily. "You know, call up the girl you decided not to marry a week before the big day and not expect her to be…to be…" Jake was at a loss for words, but Will understood. She was crying now. Her sobs were soft yet unrelenting. He got up and knelt in front of her, letting her head rest on his shoulder. In two years, he had never seen Jake cry—with the exception of on screen. The last time she had was day Hamilton left. That seemed like ages ago. While Jake hadn't spoken to him in two years, Will had. They always steered clear of discussing what had happened. Hamilton didn't talk about Jake and Jake didn't talk about Hamilton. It was just the way things were. 

After a while, she managed to calm herself down and asked aloud, "Why am I reacting like this? It's been two fucking years for crying out loud!" She sensed the irony in her last words, which caused them to laugh a bit.

Picking her head up, Will wiped the tears from her face and stroke the side of her face gently. He took her hands and stood up, she following his lead. They walked towards the staircase. Though she didn't want to admit it, she knew that it was true. She was so unnerved by his call because well…she wasn't over it. Or him for that matter. "Get a hold of yourself Jacqueline," she expressed quietly.

In silence, she and Will made it up the stairs. They reached the door to her room when he vocalized what was running though his mind. 

"Get some rest. In the morning we'll go out. Do something to get your mind off this." He kissed her forehead and started across the hall to his room. Suddenly, he stopped and spun around to face her.

"Hey Jake."

"Yeah?"

"Happy Birthday."

Jake smiling, "Thanks. Love ya Krudski. Night." With that she disappeared into her room and shut the door.

Will stood there, staring at the door and whispered, "I love you Jake."


	2. Another Sleepless Night

Part 2

Part 2

Jake didn't get much sleep. The first time she awoke it was two thirty. A half hour later, she managed to fall asleep. It didn't last long, however, because at four-thirty, she was up again. 

"Greeaaattt," she said eyeing the time on her alarm clock. Deciding not to try and complete the REM cycle, Jake planted her feet on the floor and got up. She searched blindly for a hair tie on her dresser and finding one, used it to put her shoulder length tresses in a ponytail.

She got back under the covers and sat in the dark. Hearing from Hamilton still had her in a bit of a daze. After all, it had been two years since Hamilton left—or rather, Jake left Hamilton.

Since graduating from Stanford University in California four years ago, Jake, Hamilton, and Will moved to New York and lived together in the apartment that she and Will still occupied. Her acting career had really set off, as had Will's writing, but Hamilton was still a struggling photographer. He and Jake fought often over this—his insecurities about her being the "provider" in the relationship made him feel inferior. Especially with Will being so successful, it deepened the blow to Hamilton's ego and pride. Still, they remained a happy couple—on the surface at least. On their eight year anniversary, Hamilton proposed and Jake gladly accepted. An April wedding was set and everything was going smoothly. One day, Jake came home to find a very happy Hamilton.

*Flashback*

"Hi boy," she said, giving him a quick kiss. "Win the lotto or something?"

Hamilton, who was seated on the couch, pulled Jake down next to him and explained his exuberant mood.

"I got a job offer today—from National Geographic!"

Jake was thrilled, she hugged Hamilton tightly. "Honey, that wonderful! When do you start?"

At that moment, his smile faded and he moved away from their embrace. "You see, that's the thing. It starts well, they want me to be in Africa by Thursday."

She stammered, "Wh-when? Thursday? Hamilton, you can't. The wedding is on Saturday!"

"I know that. Do you think I forgot that?" he asked getting a little angry. "But Jake, this is incredible. I mean, they want me on as a full-time photojournalist. This would be a full-time thing, lots of travel, a salary…a real job. The kind of job I've always dreamed of. This is important to me."

"What are you saying Hamilton? That this dream of yours is more important than us? There is a wedding on Saturday—our wedding! You can't do this! Can't they just reassign you or something? We'll get married and instead of Fiji for our honeymoon, I'll go with you wherever you need to go."

Hamilton paced the room. "It's now or never. I've already asked. I'm not going to get a chance like this again. We can get married anytime." He could see tears streaming down her face.

"How can you say that? I've been waiting to marry you for nine years, nine years! Hamilton, we've been waiting for this day for as long as I can remember and now you just want to cancel it?" she screamed at him. The look on her face was one of anger and confusion. 

"That's not it. I love you, but I need to do this." He stopped pacing and look at her. She stood a couple of feet away from him, arms crossed. "I've followed you everywhere for the past two years. Don't you think it's my turn? My turn to be followed?" 

"Gawd that is not fair!" Jake yelled back at him. She cut the space between them and was now within arms distance. Her eyes were red and her cheeks wet from her tears. "In a relationship there are no 'turns.' You work together. You don't ask the person or expect the person to give up everything so that you—You—can be happy…even if it means the other person won't be." 

"So what are you saying?"

"I'm saying…" Jake choked, she couldn't believe what she was about to say. " I can't ask you to give up your dream. So I guess I'm just going to give up mine. Go to Africa, Hamilton. The wedding's off."

In tears, she stormed out of the apartment leaving Hamilton stunned.

*End flashback*

Jake got out of bed and walked over to the closet. She pulled out a cardboard box, sat Indian-style on the floor, and opened it. Out of it, she took in her hand a small, velvet pouch. She disentangled the bow and emptied the contents into the palm of her hand—the platinum, 2 carat engagement ring Hamilton gave to her the night he proposed. 

Jake slipped it onto her left ring finger. For awhile, she just stared at it and soon tears had formed in her eyes. As they fell from her, she failed to wipe them, causing a small puddle of water to form on the floor. 

"Why did I ever let him go?" she asked as she gazed the simple, but beautiful ring. The thought of him was too much. In her mind, she always believed that he would choose her. But he didn't. After she ran out of the apartment, he failed to come after her. When she returned home, he was gone. In the days that followed, she lived in a state of denial. Besides Will, Scout, and Bella, no one knew of their demise. Finally, she gained up enough courage to tell everyone that the wedding was off. With Will's help, a call was made to each guest, informing them of the unfortunate news. The press soon got wind of this and made it front page news. It made the cover of magazines, newspapers, and was hot gossip. But Jake was oblivious to it all. Though bombarded by mail and phone calls, she made it through somehow. 

When she thought of it now, she realized what it had been that had gotten her through it—Will. He had been able to ease her pain just by being there to listen or by giving her someone to take her anger out on. It was the simple, but thoughtful things he did that got her through that time. And she realized that he could help her get through it now. He was her most trusted friend then and he still was.

She got up and headed across the hall. Opening his door very slowly, she made her way in. She didn't want to wake him, but it was too late. He was already up. Without saying a word, he slid to the other side of the bed, pulling the covers down. Her face was wet with tears, yet she managed a slight smile. Getting in, she faced him, still weeping. 

Wanting to alleviate her pain, he looked at her sympathetically, wrapped his arms around her, and pulled Jake towards him, allowing her to rest her head on his chest.

Though he knew that it wouldn't make her stop, Will softly uttered over and over, "It'll be okay."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

"So you're going to New York when?" a woman said into the phone.

"Thursday. I'll probably be at Jake and Will's by…uhh I'd say 8 or 9," Hamilton answered as he folded clothes and placed them into a suitcase.

"You're gonna tell her when you get there?" Bella Banks questioned her friend. It was 2 am in New Rawley and she was tired, but she didn't mind talking to Hamilton. After all, she hadn't spoken to him since New Year's Day. She sat up in bed, her legs warmed by the covers. 

Hamilton hadn't responded to her inquiry. He was contemplating whether he should tell Bella what he had planned. Finally he just said, "Yeah. I am. I'm going to tell her."

"Good. It's about time," was the riposte. 

"I know."

She yawned involuntarily. Hamilton saw this as his cue to let her get some sleep. "All right. Time to sleep. Sorry for calling you so late."

"It's fine. I mean, its not like I was asleep yet anyways. You know me, sleep late, wake early…strange habit but I can't break it."

He laughed at this. "Ahh Bella. You really need to get out of Rawley."

"What and miss out on all the excitement? They put a new signal light on Jackson Road and everyone came out to see it. We had a big bash at Friendly's afterwards, " she remarked, giggling at the thought. Bella had left New Rawley to go to college in Connecticut, but four years ago, after Grace ran off with some guy, she returned to help Charlie out.

Laughing a little harder now, Hamilton said, "Good night Bell. I'll call you from New York."

"You better! Good luck. Say hi for me."

"Will do. Thanks. Bye."

He put the phone on the hook and went back to getting his things ready for the trip. He turned on the radio and listened intently at the song that was playing. The words jumped out at him. 

__

Did I drive you away?

I know what you'll say, 

You say, 'Oh sing one you know,'

But I promise you this, 

I'll always look out for you,

That's what I'll do.

I say oh, I say oh.

I saw sparks.

My heart is yours, 

It's you that I hold on to,

That's what I do,

And I know I was wrong,

But I won't let you down

Yeah I saw sparks

Yeah I saw sparks 

And I saw sparks,

Yeah I saw sparks.

"Ironic," he muttered. He stopped what he was doing and walked over to the mirror behind his door. He looked at himself. He had aged—on the inside at least. His hair was short, growing back from his "buzzed" look. His eyes were still the same old blue. At least that hadn't changed. And neither had something else.

"You have to Hamilton. You have to tell her. You have to tell her you're still in love with her."


	3. The Pretender

Part 3

Part 3

****

New York, Tuesday 11:30 a.m. 

"Will over here!" Scout shouted as he waved an arm in the air signaling his location. The restaurant, which was located on the 38th floor of the Empire State Building, was especially crowded today for some unknown reason. Will caught sight of him, strode over, and sat down in front of his old friend.

"Hey man. I'm glad you could meet me."

Scout concurred, "Yeah, well it's just a half hour early. But you sounded kind of…perplexed. I dunno you just sounded strange on the phone. Didn't want to leave you hanging."

"Yeah I am a little strange today. I didn't get a lot of sleep." It was the truth. He had been up nearly all night plagued with troubled thoughts. 

"Sorry man. So what's up? Where's the birthday girl?" Scout asked. He was worried. Will had lost sleep plenty of times, yet he had never seen him so unsettled.

"It's just , Hamilton called last night." Scout looked surprised. He looked at Will and nodded for him to go on.

"He's coming back. I mean, I have no idea why that would bother me…considering the fact that he hasn't been here two years. I guess because…well…"

Scout interjected, "Because you think he's coming back…for Jake. To be with Jake."

"Yeah," he said softly. His tone suddenly changed, "Damn! Why is this so hard? Wasn't I the one who decided that I wasn't going to tell her how I felt? To save our friendship?"

"But, Will you didn't think you had a chance. So you did what was best for you." 

Will was angry now. "Look what that got me. Nothing! Scout, you know how long I've loved Jake. I've betrayed my heart for so long—even when there were chances to make a go for it." He looked away, his eyes watering. "I never told her because I always though they'd end up together. There was always that 'meant-for-each-other' vibe. When he left, I didn't think he'd be gone this long. I thought that they would've worked things out. But they didn't. So here we are…exactly where we started. Me in love with Jake."

Scout just looked at him. He could understand what Will was feeling. He knew what it was like to bottle up your feelings and pretend not to have them. That's how it had been with Bella, even after they learned they weren't related. By the time they figured it out, too much time had passed and Bella didn't feel the same as she did before. She didn't love him the way he loved her. He went to Princeton and wrote to her once in awhile, but he hadn't seen her since he was eighteen years old.

"Will," Scout began, "Just because Ham's coming back doesn't mean that you have to give up hope. How do you know Jake will even take him back? It's been two years."

He shot him a pained looked. "No Scout. She still loves him. I thought, maybe she was over him. But after the way she acted last night…there's no way. Believe me."

"Look, I know you think that. But how do you know for sure? Sure, she still cares about him, but love him? After what he put her though? I don't know man."

"That's just it, Scout. If you really love someone, you can overcome anything. Fights, distance, years apart, broken hearts—it doesn't matter. If you're meant to be with someone, if your love is true, sincere, and real…in the end you'll be together."

A waitress came up to the table and asked to take their order, but Scout and Will did not notice. She snickered at them and walked away.

"She came to my room, obviously upset, shaken up…got into my bed and was just bawling. I couldn't stand seeing her that way. I held her…I wanted to make her stop…I wanted to tell her that she didn't deserve this…that he wasn't worth it…that I loved her and that I would anything to erase the hurt inside of her. But, I didn't. I just lay there, holding her in my arms, giving her a friend to cry to. Her good, reliable, understanding friend Will as I always have been. And probably always will be."

The look in his eyes was one of despair and frustration. For years, Will had loved Jake. Though he denied his feelings at first, soon they were hard to ignore. They were seniors at Rawley when Will finally acknowledged how he felt. For months, he told no one. He thought that maybe it was just some sort of phase—one of confusion or loneliness—that was causing him to feel this way about one of his best friends. Will had always been the person Jake turned to when there was a problem—mostly with Hamilton. While Bella and her were close, it was Will she went to give her advice or comfort. They had some kind of special connection. It was as if he always knew what to do or say to make her feel better or give her the strength and patience she needed to deal with Hamilton. All the while, he kept quiet about how he felt. Never letting on that he thought of Jake as more than just a friend. He knew that he couldn't have her—after all, she and Hamilton were inseparable. So, he settled for the next best thing…being her best friend.

Lost in his thoughts, Will completely forgot that Scout was sitting right in front of him. "Will! Hey Will!" snapping his fingers in front of his face.

"Oh sorry man. I was just thinking about…"

"Her."

"Pretty much."

"You know, there is only one thing left to do."

"What's that?"

"You know exactly what. You have to tell Jake…"

They were so caught up in their conversation that they hadn't even noticed that Jake had arrived. She stood at the table and asked "Tell Jake what?" 

Will and Scout just stared at each other. "Hello? What's up guys? You're freaking me out!"

"Nothing," Scout interjected. "Just that you…you look absolutely gorgeous!"

"Riiiiggghhtt. Good one." Will thought to himself.

Jake was unconvinced, but let it go. "All right. I'll take a compliment when I can get one." She sat down in between them, noting the awkwardness in the air.

"Is something wrong?" directing her inquiry to Scout. 

"Uhh…no. It's just that I uhh…didn't give you your birthday hug yet. Happy Birthday!" as he leaned forward and drew her closer to him. 

A laughing Jake returned the gesture by moving in. "Thanks Calhoun."


	4. Turbulence

Part 4

Part 4

****

Wednesday, 2:30 pm

"Hello? Bella?"

"Ham! Where are you? I can barely hear you!"

"I'm the airport right now…my flight takes off at 3:15. I have a layover in Boston and I thought it would be nice if we could meet up. I haven't seen you in months!"

"Yes! That would be awesome! What time you getting in to Logan?"

"12:15. Flight 524—Western Airlines."

"Got it. I'll be there."

"All right…I'll see ya later."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

"Goodbye Phoenix." Hamilton looked out the window of the plane as it headed down the taxiway. He had been living there since returning from Australia three months ago. Hamilton had been there on assignment, traveling the continent for two months, doing what he did best—taking pictures. That had been the last assignment the magazine had sent him on. It was upon his return that Hamilton quit and decided to settle in Arizona. It was the Grand Canyon State after all, filled with natural wonders and beautiful dessert. It gave him a sense of tranquillity and security that he hadn't felt in a long while. He'd grown tired of the constant travel his job required and the lack of contact he had with his friends and family—especially Jake, the one person in the world that mattered to him.

As the plane took off, Hamilton recalled what had happened two years ago. "Go to Africa Hamilton" was a phrase that constantly replayed in his mind. For a long time, he used it as justification for what he had done to her. He left her, a week before their wedding, for a dream that turned out to be less than that. At the time, he thought that it was the most important thing on earth—more important than Jake. He let her go to follow it and in the process lost the girl that had given him those dreams and the strength to pursue them. When she walked out that day, he had the impulse to run after, but he didn't. Instead, he went up, packed his things, and waited for her to come home. She never did, so Hamilton left. He got on the next train to Boston, made his way to Rawley and broke the news to his parents. They were devastated, numbed by the fact that the wedding was off—indefinitely. 

The night before Hamilton left for Africa, Kate Fleming went to her son's room to find him in tears. She sat on the bed next to him, where Hamilton lay. She ran her fingers through his hair repeatedly, as she used to when he was a child and needed comfort. That was years ago, however, and it had been a long time since she had seen her son in such a state. He grinned slightly and held her free hand. 

"Munchie, you'll get through this. I promise"

The sound of his old nickname caused him to roll his eyes and smile a little bit more. " I don't know Mom. I don't know."

"You will. I know you Hamilton. You're strong. You can make it."

Hamilton got up. He looked at his mother. "I've made a mistake and I know it. But still, I can't go back. I've been waiting for this for as long as I can remember."

"Yes you have," she answered. " Your father and I only want what's best for you. Whatever makes you happy. We'll stand by you no matter what. So, if you want to pursue this, then by all means, go. But if you still want to marry Jake, then you should."

" I love her Mom. I just don't know if I'm ready for that. I thought I was, but when I got this offer it was just like—I dunno, it just didn't seem like marrying Jake was what was most important. We've been together a long time, but if we truly love each other then a few months or another year won't make a difference."

"I understand," Kate told her son. However, she also understood how Jake felt. After nearly a decade together, Jake was ready for it. Willing to make sacrifices to be with Hamilton and to Jake, it probably seemed like he wasn't willing to make any. She wished that they could work things out, but it was up to them, not to her. Her son's happiness was her only concern and if that meant leaving it all behind, then so be it. 

"You should get some rest, Munchie."

"Mom!" 

"I know, I know. But can I help it? You may be 24 but to me, you're still my little boy." She kissed him on the cheek and headed for the door. "I love you," his mother professed before leaving.

" I love you too. G'night."

****

end flashback

Hamilton was exhausted. While he was apprehensive about seeing Jake again, he was also excited. Excited to see her face and hold her in his arms and tell her that he loved her. However, he was scared—scared of how she'd react? It had been a long time and maybe…she wasn't the same. Maybe she didn't love him anymore. Though Hamilton didn't want to admit it as a possibility, he had to. He had to prepare himself for the worst, even though he wanted to anticipate the best. Despite the multitude of thoughts and emotions that ran through his head, leaning back in his seat, he dozed off.

"Jake! Jake!" 

Hamilton walked through the door of the apartment. The furniture had not been moved, the pictures maintained their positions on the wall, the smell of the apartment—though indescribable, still lingered. 

Seeing a single light illuminating the living room, he ventured towards it. Once he made it in, he saw her there, standing by the window, her back to him. The moonlight shone in through the glass and shadowed her figure on the floor. Quietly, he shifted in her direction, his eyes never wavering from her.

Upon reaching Jake, he placed his hand on her shoulder and into her ear whispered "I'm here."

She circled and faced him, leaving centimeters between his lips and hers. Looking into his irresistible stare, answered "Hamilton."

For a moment, their lips met. It was simple and soft, yet filled with passion and love. It left him breathless. "You don't know how long I've waited to do that. To kiss you. To be with you again." As he said this, he took her in his arms, and reveled in feeling her heart beat with his. It was as if nothing had changed. As if time had done nothing to their love. 

Jake closed her eyes. It felt so good to be near him, but something wasn't right. Although she wanted the moment to go on into eternity, she released herself from his clutch. There was something she had to tell him and to keep the truth from him would be unfair—to him and to her. 

Alarmed by her action, Hamilton stepped forward only to have Jake take one back. At last, she fixed her eyes on his, and spoke.

"Hamilton, there's…there's something I have to say…"

"What is it Jake? Are you still mad at me? I'm so sorry baby. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I promise, no matter what it takes, I will make it up to you."

"No that's not it," replied Jake. "I have no doubt that you're sorry and I forgive you but…I'm the one who should be sorry."

He was baffled. "Jake what are you taking about? All of this…" extending his arms in a T "…is my fault. Jake, I'm the one who did this. I'm the one who walked away. Not you. This isn't your fault in any way."

"Let me finish Hamilton! It's just that…well…I don't love you. I'm in love with someone else."

Hamilton felt his heart drop to the floor. He heard what she said, but it didn't make any sense. He was positive that he and Jake were meant for each other. That what they had was true love. 

"I don't understand. H-how can you say that? What do you mean?" his eyes swelling with liquid.

"I am so sorry. But it's true. I love someone else Hamilton." Now she approached him, his feet planted firmly on the floor. "You've been gone…a really long time. And I thought that you weren't coming back. Things have changed. I've changed. I'm not that person I was two years ago. When you left, the world around me just stopped. I had to learn to live, to keep going even though you weren't there. When I finally did, I was able to love again."

Holding back his tears, Hamilton said, "But I still love you Jake…Jacqueline…I love you." Unable to control himself, a tear escaped him. 

She kissed him on the cheek and using her thumb, cleared the streak from him. "I am sorry Hamilton. There's nothing you can do." His blue eyes, endless as the sea, met her green haze for a moment. 

"Goodbye," uttered Jake, her bottom lip quivering. 

With that, she moved past him and walked towards the door. Hamilton stood in disbelief as he watched her leave, knowing that nothing he could say or do would make her stay. Soon, her figure disappeared and the door shut behind her.

"Jake!" Hamilton said fairly loud. He opened his eyes to find his surroundings much different from the one that he had been in just seconds before. 

Hamilton turned his face at the sound of a sweet, old woman's voice. "Are you all right dear?"

He studied the woman for a minute, noting how much she resembled his own grandmother. Her face was full of wrinkles, but her eyes were a striking blue—much like his own. Her wispy white hair was short and wavy, tucked behind her ears. 

"Are you all right?" she asked again observing Hamilton's face. "You must have been dreaming."

Remembering now, he retorted, "Yes, I was. Did I bother you?"

"Oh no. But something is obviously bothering you. Is there anyway I can help?"

He hesitated, then acknowledged that perhaps, she really could help him. After all, she was at least eighty years old and full of life experience. So he began his story. He relayed the dream to her and then the circumstances that enveloped them. She was intrigued and listened patiently as Hamilton expressed himself. 

Nearly an hour after they started, Hamilton concluded by stating, "And that's why I'm going to New York. To get her back. To make her love me again. I know that I might be putting myself up for a big disappointment, but I have to try. I love her."

"If there's one thing I've learned in my life it's this: Love is not finding someone to live with. It is finding some you cannot live without." She smiled at this and he returned it with a smile of his own. "Now if you love Jacqueline, then don't let her go. If you know in your heart of hearts that she is the one for you, then tell her. The reason you're afraid to tell her that you still love her is that you're afraid you'll still lose her. That's just a risk you're going to have to take."

He knew that she was right. He had to tell her. Even if it meant that she might not feel the same way. He owed to her—and to himself. 

"And I'm going to."

"That's what I wanted to hear."

Just then, an announcement came from the pilot that they were near their destination. Within fifteen minutes, they were making their final decent towards Boston. Hamilton looked out the window to see the twinkling lights of the city and trail of tiny glows moving along the highway. 

The plane landed with a much smoother touchdown than usual—or so it seemed. Possibly, it was just that Hamilton was accustomed to flying. Upon arrival at the gate, Hamilton got out into the aisle and aided the old woman with her bags. Having been seated close to the exit, they were one of the first to get off of the plane and into the hub. When they reached the end of the pathway, Bella was standing there waiting for him. But before he greeted her, he made his farewell to the kind stranger. 

"Thank you ma'am. You've helped a lot."

She grinned sweetly at him. "I just hope everything works out for you…and your Jacqueline."

Giving her a hug, he added, "Me too."

No one was there to meet her, which Hamilton thought was quite sad, but she was not bothered. Happily, she carried her bags away and made her way to the pick-up area. 

Bella and Hamilton hugged as if seeing each other for the first time in decades. "Hey good looking!"

"Not so bad yourself," he remarked still in her grasp.

Pulling away, the old friends smiled at each other. "Who was that?" Bella asked, clearly about the elderly woman.

"Oh she uhh…sat next to me on the flight. Helped me to figure out some things."

"Free therapy huh? They really mean it when they say 'flying the friendly skies.' "

"Yeah. I guess they do."

"Come on…let's get you're stuff and get out of here."


	5. Nice Way to Cope

Part 5

Part 5

****

New York, Thursday 2 a.m.

"Jake, just calm down. Sit for a minute, please?" Scout pleaded. Jake was frantic, pacing the room, eyes downward, hands clasped behind her back. 

"I can't…I need to keep moving…I can't stop and think about it."

"It's okay you know? To think about it. To think about him. You have the right. He's coming back, that's a lot to think about."

"Okay," halfheartedly she answered him, not really wanting to think about Hamilton's return. In less than twenty- four hours, he'd be in New York and she had no idea why. The message he left two days before was obscure and cryptic, leaving only a blurb of information. Since receiving the message, she'd been in tumult. She worked so hard to forget him, to move on with her life, and just when she thought she'd finally done that, Hamilton decided to change that. He was coming back.

Taking the place next to Scout on the couch, Jake sighed and tilted her head back. 

"I know I'm not Will, but if you want to talk about this then…well you can talk to me about it."

It was the first time Scout had ever said anything like that to Jake. Sure, they were friends and they talked about things, but their relationship was always more like good buddies who joked around and had fun together, rather than people who confided in each other every thought or feeling they experienced. He was right. He wasn't Will. "Where is he anyway?" she thought to herself. He left the house that evening and never returned. She was worried, but he made a call to Scout letting him know that he would not be home until later that morning. 

After an awkward silence, Jake said, "I wish that this wasn't happening. I wish that Hamilton had never called. I wish that he wasn't coming back. I wish that he wasn't doing this to me. I wish…"

Scout finished for her, "…that he had stayed. You wish that you could go and turn back time and fix this all. That way none of this would be happening right now."

"Yeah. I can wish all I want. But that won't make any of this go away. "

"You can't beat yourself up over this. You shouldn't. There's no reason to." 

"Scout, I let him go. I let him walk away from me. I called off the wedding, not Hamilton. I did this. All of this…is my doing. I loved him so much. I just wanted him to be happy…even if it meant that I wasn't going to be part of his happiness. That's what love is, isn't it? Thinking nothing of yourself, making sacrifices, acting in a way that only makes them a better person. So that's what I did. I let him go, so that he could find his happiness."

A hurt expression spread across her face. She looked away uncomfortably, pursing her lips together, eyes glossed, yet no tears to be found. It took every fiber of her body not to break down right then and there. She couldn't. Not now. She had done far too much crying the past couple of days that she didn't want to start again. Because if she did, she might not ever stop.

Scout took her hand. Jake still had her stare focused elsewhere, but responded by holding it firmly. 

"I don't know if I ever told you this, but you're the bravest person I know. I could have never done that. I would've been selfish and done anything, anything to make him stay. I hope that one day, I'll find someone that I love that much…as much as you loved Hamilton. I admire you Jake. You're kind, strong, and selfless. That's why you did what you did, because you always think of everyone else first."

Now she looked at him and beamed. Those words were probably the kindest that he had ever said to her. 

"Thank you. It's just…it's the hardest thing…letting go of what you thought was real, you know? I thought…he and I…I thought what we had was real. I guess I was wrong."

"I'm sorry." They hugged but were interrupted by the noise of the front door swinging open and banging against the wall. Startled, they watched as an obviously intoxicated Will entered the apartment.

His gait was unbalanced and awkward, his demeanor quiet and somber. It wasn't like Will to get so drunk. Jake could not comprehend what made him do this, but Scout understood exactly. Just as Jake was nervous about Hamilton coming home, so was Will—that and his decision to tell Jake how he felt about her. 

"Will? What happened?" Jake asked impatiently. 

"I…was…drowning…my sorrows…in…some…booze," he talked very slowly, however not slurred. 

"Yeah! I can see that!" Jake was fuming. He was totally smashed. The last time he came home like this was the night Jake and Hamilton got engaged. She remembered it perfectly for when they got home that night, she ran to tell Will's room to share the good news. He wasn't there. An hour and a half later, he came home, accompanied by Scout, just sloshed. 

Scout could see the tension building. Putting one of Will's arms around his shoulder, he announced, "Come on, let's get you upstairs buddy." 

The three of them made it to his room and put him down on the bed. "I'll get some aspirin," said Scout on his way out the door. 

Jake sat next to Will on the bed. She sprawled a blanket over him. His eyes were half opened, but looking straight at her. 

"Dammit Will. You are really stupid."

"No!" his voice sort of squeaked. "I just drunk!"

"You've made that crystal clear," she got out, half laughing. "All right Krudski. Time to go Nighty-night."

As she started to get up, Will grabbed her hand. "Stay here Jake. Stay with me."

Turning towards him, she said, "You are such a baby! See what happens when you go out and get plastered. All right, I'll stay 'til Scout gets back. You know you're lucky to have a gal like me in your life—to sit here with you while you're in retardo mode."

"I'm not lucky. I don't have you."

She was bewildered. "What do you mean? I'm right here. I've always been here. Always will be."

"But not the way…" he stopped himself. He was drunk, however, he still knew that he had said too much.

"Not the way what? Jake confused."

At that moment, Scout came back. "Hey…here's something for that headache you're going to have."

"Thank you Scout," Will thought, "That could've been a real disaster."

"Well I kept my end of the bargain Will. I'm gonna go to bed. Night hangover boy." In one quick movement, she was off the bed and out the door. Not long after, the sound of the door shutting echoed in the hall.

"Good job Will. Nice way to cope."

"Shut up. I just needed to be alone. And plus, the alcohol placates your pain…well for a while at least."

Scout shook his head in disagreement. "It's not going to help anything. Hamilton is still coming back and you still have to tell Jake how you feel."

Will put his hand to his forehead and groaned. "Oh shit!"

"Uh huh. All right, I should get going. See you tomorrow…well if you're not too…"

"I get it."

"Bye," he laughed, shutting to door behind him.

"What am I doing?" Will asked out loud. "What am I doing?" He blinked a few times and passed out.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

In her room, Jake lay awake, thinking about what Will had said. "What did he mean 'I don't have you?' What the hell was he saying? We've always been there for each other. How could he say that?" She didn't know what to make of it. None of it made any sense—Will coming home in the state he did, him saying what he said—it just didn't register. And then…it hit her. Will was inebriated, but his words were clear—"I don't have you." He'd been her roommate and closest friend for so many years… "Could he be in…? No…no there's no way that is what he meant!" Jake's thoughts screamed at her. "That can't be it. Riiiggght Jacqueline! Yeah right! You're just delirious now…you need to sleep!" 

All of these thoughts kept Jake's eyes wide open. She turned to her side and reached over to her night stand, picking up a portable CD player and headphones. "Maybe this will get me to sleep," she noted, placing the headphones on her ears. She pressed play and closed her eyes, lying back in her bed. 

__

Who can say where the road goes,  
Where the day flows?  
Only time...  
  
And who can say if your love grows,  
As your heart chose?  
Only time...  
  
Who can say why your heart sighs,  
As your love flies?  
Only time...  
  
And who can say why your heart cries,  
When your love lies?  
Only time...

  
Who can say when the roads meet?  
That they might be -  
In your heart...  
  
And who can say when the day sleeps,  
If the night keeps all your heart?  
...night keeps all your heart...  
  
Who can say if your love grows,  
As your heart chose?  
Only time...  
  
And who can say where the road goes?  
Where the day flows?  
Only time...  
  
Who knows?  
Only time...  
  
Who knows?  
Only time...

By the time the song was over, Jake was sound asleep.


	6. When the Morning Comes

Part 6 

Part 6 

****

Boston, Thursday 7:45 am

It was just after sunrise when Bella and Hamilton returned to the airport. They sat in the waiting area as the time neared for Hamilton to board the plane. During the early morning , they trekked around the city, driving in Bella's truck, then getting off and taking the T, and later, exploring the city on foot. Hamilton should have been exhausted, considering the minimal amount of sleep he had been getting the past few days, but instead, he was like an excited little boy, eager to see things and go places. His energy surprised Bella, herself fighting fatigue. She didn't see him or speak to him much, so she mustered the power to keep on going. 

She'd last seen Hamilton when he visited Rawley in August, just prior to his trip to Australia. His stay was brief—two days—and they were only able to see each other for lunch at Friendly's the day he left. When the wedding was canceled, she was furious with him for breaking Jake's heart and thought him selfish. As time passed, she learned to accept his choice and their friendship was renewed, even though it was never exactly the same.

It was strange, but they managed to get through the day without mentioning New York or Jake or what he was going to do when he got there. But very quickly, that changed. 

"So Ham, you ready?" Bella questioned trying to sound nonchalant.

"Oh…yeah…well…"he sounded almost scared to answer her, "I am. I umm…I'm just nervous I guess. I don't know…maybe this is a big mistake."

Leaning in closer to him, she put her hand on his arm. "No, it's not Hamilton. Not going back would be a big mistake." He was still distraught and his fear now showed in his eyes. Bella wanted to do something to calm him down, yet she had no clue what she could do. Her mind raced thinking of what to say or do to help him and then it dawned on her. She opened her mouth and told Hamilton something that she had never told anyone.

"I was in love with Scout," she said plainly. This caught Hamilton's attention. She smiled at the change in his demeanor and continued. "I forced myself to believe that I wasn't. The truth is, I was mad for him. You see… when you take away the passion, the feeling, and the romance in a relationship and you discover that you still care about that person, that's love. And that's how I knew I loved him. Because, all of those things were taken away from our relationship—our strange, misguided one—and I found myself, still wanting to be with him. Still caring about him and loving him."

"Why did you tell him that you didn't love him when you actually did?"

"Because by the time I stopped lying to myself, we were graduating and our plans were made. And I didn't want to take any of that away from him. I loved him and I wanted him to move on with his life and on to better things. To leave behind the fantasy he had of what it would be like if we were together. So, I lied."

"Oh god Bella. I can't believe you put yourself through that."

"It got easier. It did," she assured him. "I survived." 

She put her hand on his shoulder and went on. "I'm telling you this because I want you to know that Jake…she survived too. She might act as if she doesn't care and that she forgot about you, yet in fact, it's the exact opposite. I know, because I'm doing the same thing. If things were different, if I was different, then I would be doing what you're doing now. Things just aren't that way and its been too long. But you… it's not too late and things are different, but at the same time…they're not. Because one thing hasn't changed—you love her and she loves you."

They were interrupted suddenly when a voice boomed, "Flight 239 to New York City now boarding at Gate 31."

"Go Hamilton," she smiled and embraced him. "Don't give up."

He let go of her, flashed her a smile of confidence and headed into the tunnel, journeying closer to his destiny.

Unlike his previous flight, this one was less eventful. Instead, Hamilton sat in his seat, contemplating what he would say to her, what he would do when he saw her. Less than an hour and a half later, they landed in New York and soon Hamilton was in a cab on his way to a hotel. It was nearly 11 o'clock when he arrived at The Mercer, which was just a few minutes walk from Jake and Will's apartment. Depleted of energy, Hamilton dropped onto the bed and sighed, "I'm home Jake. I've come home for you." 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

****

New York, Thursday 12 :30 p.m.

"Oh man," grumbled Will, rubbing his eyes. The sun poured through his window, striking straight at his eyes. Realizing how late it was, he sat up, and winced in pain as his temples throbbed mercilessly. 

"Ahh fuck!" he yelled placing his finger on both his temples, falling back down on the bed. He pulled the blanket off of him and rubbed his the sides of his face. "Now I remember why I hate getting drunk!"

The events of the hours since he left the bar were a little hazy. He remembered getting put in a cab, coming into the apartment, being carried up to his room, being tucked into bed by Jake and…wait…Jake! "Oh my god! What did I say to Jake?" he said frantically "Shit, Krudski. You are in deep shit. You come home, drunk as hell, and you say something to her, but like the idiot you are, you can't remember!" his mind screamed at him. 

Will got out of bed and fumbled as he made his way to her room, using the wall as support. He opened the door to Jake's room to find her still in bed, bundled up under the blankets and hugging a pillow. He smiled at her, admiring how peaceful and calm she looked. It was a change from the Jake he had seen the past couple of days—nervous, preoccupied, not herself at all. She hadn't been getting much sleep either and it was good to see her finally rested. 

"God you're beautiful," he whispered.

Jake stirred and rolled over which caused Will to panic. "Will?" she muttered. Slowly, she opened her eyes and set them on Will. "What are you doing in here?"

"I just came to see if you were up. And you weren't, but you are now—obviously." 

"Are you okay Will? I mean, you come home smashed and start crazy talking. Some of the things you said earlier… I don't know. Something is definitely up."

He gave her a perplexed expression. Will knew he said something, but didn't know exactly what. "I don't know Jake. I was really out of it. I don't really recollect what I said to you."

"Well you said that you weren't lucky. That you didn't have me."

"I uhh…I don't know…I don't know what I meant. It was probably just drunken mutterings."

Jake didn't know what to think. He was pretty out of it. Maybe it did mean nothing. "I guess so. But what did you mean right now? What did you mean when you said I was beautiful?"

Will saw this as his chance to tell her how he felt. But instead, he choked and found a way to dance around telling the truth. "What I meant was… you're the most beautiful thing I have in my life, Jake. I've experienced a closeness with you that I've never experienced with anyone else. Our friendship…it's the most important thing I have. I cherish us, I cherish you. I don't know what I was saying last night about not being lucky, but I am. Because I have you as a best friend."

Jake smiled at him and the two embraced. But still, she couldn't help but sense that he was keeping something from her. Something important. However, she accepted what he said. She believed what he said. What they had was special and was something to be cherished. Their friendship was beautiful.

"Thanks Will. I feel exactly the same way."

"If only Jacqueline," he thought to himself. "If only."


	7. Home Again

Part 7

Part 7

__

Tearing in my heart when the world falls apart  
And it's almost too hard  
Tearing in my mind, how the pain makes you blind  
When it's all said and done

Tearing in my heart, a mistake from the start  
And it's almost too hard  
Tarry in my mind, I'll repay you another time  
When it's all said and done

Tearing in your bones, when the road left you alone  
And it's almost too hard  
Tarry in my soul and you help make me whole  
When it's all said and done

Tearing in my heart when the world falls apart  
And it's almost too hard  
Tarry in my soul and you help make me whole  
When it's all said and done

Hamilton couldn't sleep. No matter how hard he tried, every time he shut his eyes, all he could see was her. Jake... she was so close that it was almost like he could feel her presence and all the memories that he had of the two of them came flooding back. He lay in bed, staring at the wall, her name repeating subconsciously. It was only one thirty and he hadn't planned on going to see her just yet, but he couldn't take it anymore. He had to see her. Now.

He got up, picked up his coat, and walked out the door towards the elevator. He stood quietly during the ride down the 5 stories, thinking about what he was about to do.

He pushed through the swarms of people walking the streets. The walk was only seven minutes, but it seemed much longer than that. Moving the revolving doors of the building was almost surreal for he recalled how he propelled through those same doors everyday for four years. The elevator had just opened its hatch and let people out when Hamilton arrived. He stepped inside and was the lone rider of the lift. The elevator music was surprisingly fresh for once and it was a song Hamilton knew well. It was one of Jake's favorites. He smiled and hummed along with it, helping him to stay relaxed.

__

I see your shadow on the street now 

I hear you push through the rusty gate

Click of your heels on the concrete 

Waiting for a knock coming way too late

It seems an age since I've seen you

Countdown as the weeks trickle into days

The trip to the eighth floor was quick and as Hamilton proceeded to the apartment, his heart beat a little faster and he gasped for air. "Calm down Fleming," he said. He reached the door, staring at it for a moment as if uncertain what to do next. He reached into the left pocket of his pants and felt for something—a key. He had taken it with him when he left New York and kept it after all this time, hoping that one day he would use it again. Now, here he was about to do just that. After a few seconds of rummaging, he lugged it out and inserted it into the key hole, turned it, and unlocked the door. "Here it goes," Hamilton said softly as he turned the knob. 

When he entered the apartment, the same music that played in the elevator now rang throughout the flat. He thought it a strange coincidence and smiled as he looked around at his old home. It was just the same as when he left it, furniture still in place, the same pictures hanging from the walls. "De ja vu," he declared as he recalled the similarity the moment had to his dream on the plane. And then he saw her.

__

So you come in and put you bags down

I know there's something in the air

How can I do this to you right now

If you're over there when I need you here

My happiness is slowly creeping back

Now you're at home

If it ever starts sinking in

It must be when you pack up and go

He could see her in the kitchen, hear her singing along loudly to the song. She swayed her hips side to side as she moved with the music. Her back was turned to him as she was obviously unaware the he was present. Hamilton was completely mesmerized. There she was—in the flesh, a few yards away. Two years of loneliness and sadness were swept away by just seeing her and hearing her voice. Hamilton grinned as he traveled in her direction.

__

It seems an age since I've seen you

Countdown as the weeks trickle into days

I hope that time hasn't changed you

All I really want is for you to stay

Hamilton was in a sort of daze, which caused him to disregard the plant that was situated directly in his path. He accidentally kicked it, knocking it over, and grabbing Jake's attention.

Without turning she yelled, "Will! Please do not tell me you're drunk again!" Finally, she turned around and her face was one of complete shock.

"Hi boy," he greeted her. He turned down the volume of the stereo and continued to her. 

"Hi boy." She was still stunned by his sudden appearance. She did nothing and stayed in her place, but her eyes burned into his gorgeous blues. "H-how did you get in?"

"This," he said holding up the key. "I'm sorry. I should've called first. I just…I couldn't wait to see you. I wanted to surprise you."

"That you did." Though she had imagined what seeing him after all this time would be like, she never envisioned that it would have been like this. She didn't want to show it, but she was insanely happy. His smile made her heart flutter and the sight of his unbelievably handsome face was enough to make her feel faint. 

It was the same for him. Though her hair had grown since he last saw her, she was still as he remembered. She was still the most beautiful girl in the world and he wanted to let her know that.

"You look…you're beautiful."

Jake blushed and answered with her trademark wit, "I try." They smiled and she continued, "You know…you look…the same. Just as I remember."

Without realizing it, they had moved closer to each other during their short exchange of words. Now, there was less than a foot between them. Jake could feel his energy radiating towards her and she was drawn in by it. Their hands brushed against one another and Jake felt a tingling feeling run through her body. After all this time, he was still able to do that to her. She felt butterflies in the pit of her stomach as she gazed into his eyes. He stared back with the same intensity.

Finally, Hamilton spoke. "I, I…I missed you."

"Yeah, well I have that effect on people," Jake answered mockingly. She desired to say the same to him, yet she couldn't bring herself to do it. "Be strong Jacqueline. Do not let him do this to you again," thought Jake as she took a step away from Hamilton. "You can do this."

Her response was not quite the one Hamilton hoped to receive, but he accepted it, knowing how difficult it was for Jake to see him after all this time—because it was hard for him too. He wanted to take her into his arms and kiss her, however, he knew Jake and realized that it would take awhile for all of this to sink in. 

It remained silent for a while, but it was not an uncomfortable one. Though Jake tried hard, she could not release her gaze from him. She was taking him in, like taking a picture, trying to capture every detail. "He is the same—on the exterior at least. Thank God for that," she smiled at the thought.

He noticed her change in expression and responded by pursing his lips together, forming his trademark, sideways smile. 

Just then, the sound of the door opening caused the moment to end. "Jake you gotta read this review! They said that your performance was 'the stuff Oscar's were made for,' " Will shouted as he came through the door. His face was buried in the paper, making him ignorant to the fact that Jake was not alone. 

"Hi Will." At the sound of Hamilton's voice, Will's eyes focused upwards. 

"Ham!" he exclaimed, trying his best to sound excited. "When did you get in?"

"A little while ago. I was going to stop by later but I uhh…" he said twisting his head around to look at Jake. "I decided I couldn't wait."

Will saw the exchanged glance between the two of them and struggled to appear indifferent. In an effort to divert his attention from her, Will sprung forward to give Hamilton a hug. "It's good to see you."

"You too. It's great being back. I forgot how much I missed this place."

"Are you sure you don't mean Jake?" Will asked himself. "Why don't we all go out for a late lunch?" Will offered. Hamilton nodded in agreement. 

Jake, willing to do anything but be left alone with Hamilton, added, "I'll call Scout." She headed back into the kitchen leaving Will and Hamilton standing in the living room.

When she was out of earshot, Will asked, "So what are you doing back here Ham? On assignment?" He wanted to know the reason—he needed to know the reason.

"No actually. I'm here to see you guys. Can't I visit the friends I haven't seen in two years?" 

"Yeah," Will answered unconvinced. "But what you really mean is you came to see Jake."

"Hmm…well that too."

"Ham, I'm glad to see you and everything, but…think about what you being here is going to do to her. It's taken her a long time to get over… you know what I mean. Jake—she's strong. But there's only so much one person can take."

"I know. I swear…I won't her hurt. Not again. Not ever."

"I hope you're right." 

From behind Hamilton, Will could see Jake approaching. "Scout's gonna meet us at Tamarind in fifteen minutes. You fine with Indian?" she questioned Hamilton. It was an unnecessary query, for Jake knew quite well that Hamilton loved Indian cuisine. 

" Perfect. Let's go."


	8. Before It's Too Late

Part 8

Part 8

****

10:00 p.m.

"So then he asks me…are you sure you're name is Jacqueline Pratt because you don't look like a Jacqueline to me," Jake laughed as she recalled one of her successful attempts at going incognito. "I dressed up like 'Jake' and the guy totally bought it. But when I forgot that I couldn't very well use my credit card as Jake when it belonged to Jacqueline, my cover was sort of blown."

Will, Hamilton, and Scout all laughed at her story. It had been some time since the four of them had been together and it was nice to have an evening of peace, lounging around, just talking and laughing, recalling the great times they had together. 

This night was much colder than usual and after awhile, the jackets that they were wearing weren't enough to keep them warm. Hamilton had never really forgotten how cold it got in the East during the winter, but since he spent most of his time traveling to locales with nice, sunny weather, he had grown accustomed to spending the season with regular sweaters as his shield. Now, even with the sweater on and being inside, he still shivered. 

"It's freezing. What's wrong with the heater?" he asked.

Will shook his head. "It busted last week and we haven't gotten around to calling the repair guy."

"Great. Well, I'll get some blankets. Are they still where we used to keep them?"

Jake nodded. On that note, Hamilton went up to Jake's room and straight for her closet. He remembered that all the blankets were kept in a box in there. So, he flipped the lights on and opened the closet, taking out a cardboard box—the same one Jake had pulled out a couple of nights before. Kneeling on the floor, Hamilton unclosed the case. Its contents, however, were not blankets. 

Inside the box was not only the pouch that contained the ring, but magazines and cut outs—all of work that Hamilton had done. He reached in and took out 8 copies of National Geographic, featuring the spreads he had rendered since leaving New York City. He rummaged through the box to find not only his photographs, but anything and everything that Hamilton had ever given Jake including the engagement ring, a CD of love songs, pictures of the two of them, and a Rawley Girls t-shirt. 

Hamilton continued to shuffle through the box, but was interrupted when he heard the voice of Jake coming up the stairs.

"Hamilton, are you okay up here? Did you find the blankets? What's taking…" she stopped. She reached the door and saw what he was doing. She had kept that box very secret and stashed away for no one to see but her. And while Jake was angered at first sight of him going through it, she wasn't really angry. In some weird way, she wanted him to see it, as if she had saved it just for him, almost like a present. 

"Oh Jake, I…I thought that the blankets were in here. I'm sorry. I couldn't help but look. I had no idea that you had all of this."

Jake didn't know how to respond. What was she going to say? That she hadn't been following his work? That she didn't think about him? That she didn't care about him? So instead of trying to make up some excuse she stood there, sort of pouting, but not really. "Its okay Ham. You know me, I have to keep everything."

He got up and moved to the doorway where she was. "Yes, I do know you. Jake…"

She cut him off. "I think you better go back to your hotel. It's getting late. You must be really tired from your flight. I'm surprised you lasted this long."

He raised an eyebrow. "It's only 10."

"I know."

"It's not that late. Look if this about the box, I didn't mean it. Honest."

"I know."

"This is so bizarre. All of this. I come back and you act as if…"

"As if you hurt me? As if things are awkward? As if you've been gone for two years?" she asked him in a harsh tone. 

"Yes," he responded. "And you have every right to. I didn't come all this way so that things could stay that way. I want to make it up to you."

"I know."

"Okay. Well, why don't we get out of here. I think we need to talk—alone. Walk me back to my hotel?"

Half of her wanted to say yes and the other half wanted to say no. The half of her that grew weak in the knees every time she looked at him answered. "Sure."

When they reached the bottom floor, Scout and Will were talking, their words were inaudible, however. Upon seeing Hamilton and Jake, their conversation stopped, making Jake curious as to what they were discussing.

"Will…Scout…you guys okay?" she asked hoping to get the truth.

"Yup. Just talking about…uhh…well.." Scout stuttered. He couldn't think of anything. So Will cut in to save themselves.

"About this idea I have for a script."

She observed them closely. While she didn't believe them, there was no time to stop and get into it with them now. As much as she wanted to make sure Will was okay, considering his odd conduct the past couple of days, she wanted to talk to Hamilton much more. Unlike earlier, she felt much more at ease with him and it even felt as if he never left. 

"I'll take that. Uhh…Hamilton's going to go to his hotel now and I'm going to play escort. So…"

Will spoke up at these words. He couldn't bare the thought of leaving them alone together. "Are you sure you'll be all right coming home? I mean, it's kinda late to be strolling the city by yourself. Want us to come with you?"

"Will, I'm a big girl…26 remember? I can take care of myself. It's only a few blocks. Besides, I can hail a taxi if I want." 

He wasn't satisfied. Another outburst from him, however, would cause more unwanted questions to arise. So, he gave up.

"True. You'll be fine."

Hamilton went over to Scout and Will and gave them hugs. "Thanks for the evening guys. We definitely have to get together tomorrow."

"Sounds good. Hey how long are you going to be in New York?" inquired Scout.

"It depends," Hamilton returned, fighting the urge to look back at Jake. "It depends on when I have to get back to work," he lied. It didn't depend on work at all—only on Jake.

Sensing the weirdness in the air, Jake interrupted, "We better get going. Will, I'll see you when I get home. Later Scout."

After Hamilton and Jake exited the apartment, Scout said, "You better do it soon. Looks like time is running out."


	9. A Night to Remember

Part 9

Part 9

"Nice room," Jake commented as she entered Hamilton's hotel suite. It was a small but pleasant room, with a dazzling view of the downtown skyline. She stood in front of the window and admired the sight. "Wow. It looks gorgeous."

He was standing right beside her, but the remarked that followed was not directed towards the same thing. "Yeah…gorgeous."

"It's been awhile since I last really, really looked at the city like this. I've been too busy being busy to actually take time and appreciate how awesome New York is."

"You have been busy. Six films in two years. It's a wonder you even find time to sleep."

"It's not easy, but when you find something that's really worthwhile you can't pass it up." She meant that, but the underlying reason for her doing film after film was simple—to get over Hamilton.

"I understand that." 

Jake now fixated her stare at him. It was amazing to have him next to her again. No longer wanting to avoid the inevitable, she said, "Enough with the small talk Hamilton. Tell me, what are you doing here?"

"You know why."

"Do I?"

"I think you do." He moved closer to her. They were as close as could be without their lips touching. Then he said again, "You know why." 

"I guess so." She stared at his lips, wanting to press hers against them. "I guess I do."

Hamilton grabbed her and kissed her passionately. Their bodies pressed together sending a pulse of electricity through them and in that moment, two years of want, need, and longing melted away. It was unlike any other kiss that they had ever had. He cupped her face and held it to his, unrelenting in his hunger for her. Their tongues tangled, their embrace tightened. They continued for some time before Hamilton pulled away, still holding her face, breathless.

"You have no idea how much I've wanted to do that. How long I've waited to do that."

"I do. Because I've waited and wanted it too." They kissed again, this time it was a gentle, sweet peck.

Taking her hand, he led her towards the bed and sat down. "Jake, I am so sorry. It's just that I…"

Putting her finger to his lips, she silenced him by saying, "I'm not ready to talk about it just yet. Right now, I, I just want to be with you."

He smiled. "Whatever you want."

The faint sound of music expelled from the radio that Hamilton had absently left on when he departed from the hotel that afternoon. Getting up, she took his hands and said, "Dance with me."

__

If we never make it back to how far we've come along this way  
We search around for solid ground that will help to carry us away  
If the memories I left throw the light that helps to guide you through  
We trickle down to our goodbyes but a part of me will stay with you  


What we've spoken over time  
Never broken or compromised  
  
Dream on together  
Leaning against each other  
However it happens I hope it's  
Whatever makes you happy 

With her arms wrapped around him and his around her, Hamilton whispered, "I missed you."

Resting her head on his shoulder she answered, "I missed you too."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

It was eight a.m. when Jake returned to the apartment. She slowly opened the door, not wanting to make too much noise just in case Will was still asleep. She tip-toed through the living room, as if sneaking in after curfew, something she had done many times at Rawley after her late night excursions to be alone with Hamilton. Jake got to the stairs and took three steps before she heard Will's voice. Judging from the fact that he was still in the same clothes as he wore last night, Will spent the night on the sofa. He had been waiting for her, but instinctively, he knew where she had been—with Hamilton. 

"Jake? Where the hell have you been? I've been waiting for you all night!" he exclaimed. 

"Oh gosh I should have called you. I stayed at the hotel. Hamilton and I…we were just…"

"Dammit Jake! I can't believe you spent the night with him!" he declared, unmistakably angered by her rebuttal. 

"What? Nothing happened! You know I wouldn't do something like that! After all this time…just let him off that easily? I don't think so. You know me better than that."

Will got up from the sofa and traveled towards her. "I do know you Jake, that's the problem. You and Hamilton…whatever happened, its over now…but that doesn't change anything. You still love him. That I know." 

"Shit Will! Where is this coming from? Why does this bother you so much? I thought of all people you would understand."

He looked down at the floor. Now the space between them was minimal, only about a foot. She looked at him, waiting for an answer, but none came. He just stared at his feet, rubbing his head with his hand. 

  
"After all he's put you through, after all the sleepless nights, the tears, the pain…you still love him."

"I never said that."

"You didn't have to."

"Will? What is wrong with you? This doesn't make any sense. Please, I want to understand what's wrong. Tell me." She put her hand on his chin and picked his head up. His eyes were filled with tears.

Not being able to hold back any longer, Will revealed the source of his unhappiness. "I love you."

Before she could say anything, he took her in his arms and kissed her. And for a moment, she found herself kissing him back. 


	10. Confessions

Part 10

Part 10

"She left about ten minutes ago. Bella, it was…its so great to be home again."

She sat on a stool outside the gas station, holding the phone to her ear with her shoulder. "I bet. So, the two of you are okay?"

"We didn't really talk about it. Actually, we haven't talked about it—about us. She's not ready too, not yet at least. But Bell, this…she and I…it feels so right," Hamilton answered her. He was still in the same clothes he wore the night before. Sitting on a chair by the window, he smiled as he thought of the night's occurrences. "We spent the night…just being together. Holding her in my arms again—it felt so good. Jake, she's like…home to me."

Bella was jealous. She couldn't help it. It had been a long time since she had felt that way about someone or had someone feel that way about her. Still, she was glad that things were working out for Hamilton and Jake—so far. Then, Hamilton said something that came out of left field.

"Will is in love with Jake." 

Her jaw dropped to the floor. "What?" She couldn't believe it. They were best friends, but Will…in love with Jake? How could that be?

"You heard me…Will is in love with Jake."

Bella's head spun. "How…what makes you think that?"

"I just know. In a way, I've always known. The signs have always been there. It just took me awhile to notice them."

Bella was dumbfounded. "Wow. That is…wow. So, what are you going to do about it?"

"Talk to him, of course. I mean, what else is there to do? We're in love with the same woman…not just not any woman…but Jake. The girl that I almost married. The girl that's been Will's best friend for years. Sooner or later, this has all got to end. And when it does, its going to be nothing but love and heartache."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Jake and Will stood in front of the stairs, in a position that Jake had never imagined they'd ever be in—in a kiss. It was only for a moment and almost as soon as Jake responded to his action, she pulled away. 

She was stunned as was Will. He could not believe that what had happened had actually happened. The secret that he fought so hard to keep for nine years was revealed in a matter of seconds. It had passed all too quickly and all Will could remember was the feeling of Jake's lips brushed against his. A feeling that he had waited so long to experience.

"Oh my god…Will…what was that? What's going on here?" Her head was buried in her hands. She couldn't look at him. What was happening? In a moment, everything she'd known to be true changed.

"What's going on here is…I'm in love with you and I have been for a really long time. It's just now, I finally had the courage to do something about it."

It wasn't until Will repeated the words that Jake fully realized what he'd meant. He loved her. Not in a brother-sister or best friends sense, but in a way that is all encompassing, eternal, and unconditional. The way only soul mates do.

Will removed Jake's hands from her face, looking straight into her eyes. "Being your friend was all I ever wanted. To be with you is all I've ever dreamed of. " His words were poetic and beautiful and at this, Jake couldn't help but be touched. "You do something to me. Something that I can't explain. I would do anything if I could make you feel what I feel…even if it was just for a moment. If you could see me the way I see you."

She looked at him—her best friend, the man who had stood beside her when everyone else had walked out, the man who dried her tears, took care of her when she was sick, listened to her even when she had nothing to say. She loved him. She did—just not the way he loved her. The thought of hurting him pained her. There was no other way. She had to tell him—even if it meant losing him. 

"Will, I'm so honored that you feel about me the way you do because I know that you wouldn't feel that way about just anyone. The truth is, I don't feel the same way. And I'm sorry. You're my best friend and I love you…just not the way you want me to."

Will was crushed and at hearing this, his heart dropped to the floor, his vision blurred, his breath seemed to escape him. Her words cut through him like a sword to the heart. They were the words that he had dreaded to hear and the ones that he expected to her to say. She didn't love him. She never would.

He turned away from her, tears falling relentlessly. Jake put her hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off. Not knowing what else to do, she said, "I'm so sorry Will. I'm so, so sorry."

"Jacqueline, just go. Please," he retorted, stressing the last word. He couldn't take her right now. He couldn't bare it. 

She too was covered with tears. She didn't want to leave him, wanting to comfort him some how. Yet, she was the one who had caused his agony. With the knowledge that there was nothing she could do, she complied with his request and headed for the door. She stopped and opened it, but before walking out, offered one last apology. "I'm sorry." With those words, she stepped across the threshold and closed the door behind her. 


	11. Confrontation

Part 11

Part 11

It was particularly early for Scout Calhoun to be at work. It was only nine o'clock and he usually didn't arrive at his Midtown office until 11 o'clock. However, the days work had to be done and done now. Otherwise, Jake would kill him. 

"Look Dave, Jacqueline Pratt is not a supporting role player—she's a leading lady. You don't give her the lead, you don't get her to be in your film. Period."

He nodded as he listened to the man on the other end of the phone. "Directors," he thought, "don't know anything about selling power."

After a minuteof silence, a smile spread across Scout's face and his head nodded in assent. "Great, I knew you'd come through. Okay I'll see you Monday to sign the papers… bye." After hanging up he shouted, "You the man!" He danced around the room, making strange movements, and continued to do so for some time until a knock on the door interrupted his celebration.

"Doing a scene from 'Footloose'?" asked Jake, trying hard not to laugh.

Embarrassed, Scout regained his composure and defended himself. "No. If you must know Ms. Pratt, I, Scout Calhoun, just got you the lead in Dave Murphy's next film."

"Well that is your job Scout! You're kind of my agent!" she exclaimed. 

"You're welcome," he answered sarcastically. "We close the deal Monday. Happy?"

"I guess," she said listlessly. Her tone confused Scout because for nearly a month, she hounded him to get her the part. Now, it seemed that she could care less. 

"Jake, are you okay? I thought you wanted this?"

"I do. It's just that…something happened…with Will."

She didn't need to explain further. 'He finally did it,' he thought to himself. She came closer to him and in doing so, Scout saw that she had been crying. Her eyes were beet red, her cheeks flushed. "What happened?" he asked, placing both arms on her shoulders. 

"Will told me…he's in love with me." She sniffled and looked away, uncertain as to how Scout would react. He said nothing and his silence spoke volumes. He'd known all along. 

Suddenly, her expression changed. "Oh my god! You knew about this didn't you? You knew and you never told me!"

"It wasn't my place to say," Scout replied in a calm and steady voice. "They're Will's feelings, not mine."

"Cut the bullshit Scout. You don't withhold important information, life altering information!" 

"He loves you. There! Now you know. He loves you and he always has. You've just been too blind to see it. How could you not have seen it?" 

"I can't believe you just turned this around on me! We are best friends. I never thought he loved me that way. It never even crossed my mind. Hence, the surprise when he told me!"

"Do you love him?"

"What?"

"Do you love Will?" 

She sat in the seat in front of Scout's desk and sighed. "No, I don't. Not that way."

"The question is…could you ever?"

She shook her head in discord. "I can't."

"Because you still love Hamilton."

Yes. She still loved Hamilton Fleming. Even though he'd put her through hell, seeing him again only reaffirmed what she had always known deep inside—that he's the one. The one person in the world that she could not live without.

"Yes, I love him. Him being here—I thought that time would heal my broken heart—but its love, not time that heals all wounds. His love…its making me whole again."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Will was sitting on the sofa when he heard a knocking at the door. Thinking it was Jake, who forgot her keys in her rush to leave the apartment, he ran to open it only to find Hamilton Fleming on the other side.  
  
"Hey Will! Can I come in?"  
  
Will didn't respond, rather, moved aside and allowed Hamilton entrance.  
  
"Is Jake asleep? Because if she is, I can come back later."  
  
Finally, Will spoke, with a touch of bitterness in his voice. "No, she's not asleep. She' s not here." He walked towards the kitchen, Hamilton following not far behind.  
  
"Will, I know. I know about you and Jake."  
  
At this, Will turned around and stopped in his tracks. Angrily, he returned, "Know what? There is no Will and Jake. Only Hamilton and Jake."  
  
"You're in love with her. Don't lie to me, I know. I've always known."  
  
With nothing left to lose, Will snapped, "Yes, I am. So what? It doesn't matter anyway. "  
  
"What?"  
  
Hamilton and Will stood face to face. "Don't play coy Hamilton. We both know Jake loves you. She always has. There, you win."  
  
"Win Jake? What does she come with, a trip to Hawaii?"  
  
An infuriated Will shot back, "This isn't a game! Tell me Fleming, do you really love her? Are you going to stick around—for better or worse, in sickness and in health, until death do you part? Or is this just about making amends? Because Jake—she deserves more than that. More than you."  
  
"You mean she deserves you! Is that what you're getting at?" declared Hamilton, equally angered. "I love her. I never stopped. This is about making things right. It's also about starting over. Starting a new life together."  
  
"If it was up to me..."  
  
"It isn't up to you, is it? This is Jake's decision. Not ours."   
  
Will could not take anymore of Hamilton's reasons. He yelled, "You fucked up! Big time. Did you think that you can just show up and she'd take you back? " Internally, however, he knew that that is exactly what had happened the night before. Though the words were never really said, Jake had taken Hamilton back the moment he walked through the door.

Not yet finished, Will added, "When you left, who was here to pick up the pieces? Who was here to dry her tears, put her to sleep when she couldn't, make her laugh when she needed to smile, cook her dinner when she was too tired?"

Blank-faced, Hamilton said nothing in return, knowing full well that it had been Will who had stood by Jake when Hamilton didn't.

Nodding, Will said matter of factly, "Exactly."  
  
"I can't believe this Will. You and I...we were like brothers. How could you fall in love with Jake?"  
  
"How could I not? Who wouldn't? She's amazing. Anyone can see that. And you were stupid enough to let her go."  
  
"I was stupid. Still, how could you?"  
  
"The heart has reasons that reason does not know," Will answered simply.

Rolling his eyes, Hamilton sarcastically retorted, "Forever the poet. What makes you think that she doesn't love you? After all, its been you and her for a long time—even when I was around. The two of you have always had something special—something even I couldn't touch.

"Whatever we had was based on friendship. This whole thing has been totally one sided. She's loved you all this time. It's like...your ghost lingered here. You never left her."   
  
This calmed Hamilton down. Hearing Will's words reiterated in his mind that she had never left him either. Every day, every minute, every second of the past two years, she was with him. Hamilton empathized with Will. If he was in his shoes, he'd probably be reacting the same way. 

"I'm not running this time. I'll wait for her—for as long as I have to. I've played this out in my mind a thousand times. I'm going to make this right. I want her to be happy. She deserves that and you're right, she does deserve more than me. She deserves whatever makes her happy. Whether that is you or me, I'll accept it."

The tone in his voice proved to Will that his intentions were sincere. At the same time, it brought the realization that the dream of being with Jake would never be realized. Then again, maybe it was never really there to be realized. There was one person Jake loved more than anything on earth—and that person was Hamilton Fleming. As much as he loved Jake, Will knew that her happiness lied in Hamilton and Hamilton alone. 

"Then, maybe you really do deserve her."

"Excuse me?" Hamilton asked surprised by his comment.

"You are Jake's reason for living, Ham. Don't you know that by now? She loves you, in spite of everything. And you love her. If time and distance hasn't changed that, nothing ever will. She deserves to be happy—both of you do."

"Will, that's…" Hamilton had no idea what to say. Will's words were unexpected. 

"It's okay Ham. You don't have to say anything. I know. Just…go find Jake…and do what you came here to do." He patted him on the shoulder and Hamilton responded by giving Will a slight hug. It was an awkward moment, especially for Will, because in that instant, Will accepted the fact that Hamilton was the one for Jake—and always has been.

"Thanks Will." Will and Hamilton smiled at each other and soon, Will was out of sight and Hamilton, on his way to finding Jake. 


	12. One More Chance

Part 12

Part 12

Jake sat on a bench in Central Park, picking at the cold pretzel she'd bought from a vendor nearly an hour before. The bench, situated in a spot that overlooked Columbus Circle, was Jake's favorite spot. She often went there when she needed to be alone and think or when she wanted to find some peace of mind. She'd been sitting there for three hours now and it was as if in that time, a million people had passed right in front of her. 

It was seven o'clock and as the sunlight escaped from the sky, Jake was captivated by the sight of the sun disappearing behind the buildings. Then, something in the picture changed. As the daystar became smaller, a man's figure now formed negative space within the fireball. Squinting, Jake could only make out one thing—it was Hamilton who stood right before her. He stood there until the sun vanished from their sight. He stared at her and smiled the way he always did when he saw her. It was so natural to him, she was so natural to him. "Home" was what he told Bella Jake was to him. And it was true. Never in his life did he feel as safe and at peace then when he was with her. 

"Hi Jake," Hamilton greeted her. "I knew I'd find you here."

Jake's eyes smiled as he said this. "You remember," she said.

"Of course I remember. I remember everything."

He sat next to her, keeping some distance, not wanting to push her into anything she wasn't ready for. But Jake was ready, she scooted across the bench closer to him, so close that their knees and ankles touched.

__

I can feel the magic floating in the air  
Being with you gets me that way  
I watch the sunlight dance across your face  
And i've never been this swept away  
All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze  
When i'm lying wrapped up in your arms  
The whole world just fades away  
The only thing I hear  
Is the beating of your heart  


His hands rested on his thighs, his gaze remaining forward. Jake maintained the same stare, but gently placed her hand on top of his_. _

Cause I can feel you breathe  
It's washing over me  
And suddenly i'm melting into you  
There's nothing left to prove  
Baby, all we need is just to be  
Caught up in the touch  
Slow and steady rush  
Baby, isn't that the way that love's suppose to be  
I can feel you breathe  


At this, Hamilton turned to her. She interlocked her fingers with his and squeezed his hand slightly. She looked at him now and said, "Hamilton, I'm scared."

A look of concern on his face, he answered, "So am I. But not so much when I'm with you."

"I've missed you so much. Not a single day passed without your face flashing before me, without your voice whispering in my ear, without your touch sending tingles up and down my spine. I remember too, Hamilton."

He took his other hand and traced the side of her face with it. "I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say."

"There's nothing else?" she asked, needing him to say what she already knew in her heart was true.

"Well, maybe…one thing," Hamilton responded teasingly. "I love you."

__

In a way I know my heart is waking up  
As all the walls come tumbling down  
Closer than i've ever felt before  
And I know, and you know  
There's no need for words right now  
  
Upon hearing his confession, the tears that had formed in her eyes fell. "I love you too," her voice quaking. She held his hand tighter and his fingers curled over hers. Her eyes closed tight as the tears began to fall more frequently. 

He wiped her tears with his thumb, then leaned in and kissed her eyes, causing Jake to laugh a bit. He chuckled too, as he moved back to the position he was in before. 

"Hamilton, when you left…I had two options: sink or swim. I chose to swim. But I never really made it back to shore, that is, until you showed up yesterday. And it was as if, a breath of new life was breathed into me. I no longer have to stay in the middle of the ocean, wading, kicking, praying for someone to save me, because you're home. I realized that the reason why I couldn't forget you or get over you, is because I'm not meant to. I'm meant to be with you."

Now, Hamilton wiped his own face of teardrops. "I'm so sorry, Jake. I don't know if I can ever say that enough. These past two years have been the worse of my entire life. I should never have left you. I was wrong. I'm not half the man I used to be. Because when I walked out on you, I left the better half of me here—when I left you here."

Jake opened her mouth to say something, but Hamilton shook his head. "Nothing I can do will ever make up for the pain I've caused you. I want to try…if you just give me the chance. Please, forgive me."

His plea was enough for Jake. She cupped his face and nodded, "I already have."

She pulled him to her as he brought his hands up to her face. Their lips met, gently and tenderly, yet passionately. A few tears streamed down Jake's face as they kissed, falling onto Hamilton's hands. Breaking away from their kiss, he wiped the tears, and pressed his forehead to hers, their noses brushing against each other, eyes opened and locked on the other's pair. 

__

I can feel the magic floating in the air  
Being with you gets me that way...  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Will sat on his bed watching the sunset through the window. It had been nine hours since Hamilton left the apartment and Jake still hadn't returned, meaning one thing—they were together. Will was tired, not because he hadn't gotten any sleep, but because it was finally over. His emotional pain had manifested itself physically—his body ached, his head hurt, his eyes red from crying so much. He called Scout earlier, but he wasn't at the office. Will could not stand being alone with his thoughts anymore. After all, he'd kept so much to himself for so long that it was finally taking it's toll on him. There was only one other person that he could talk to about this and that person was Bella.

He reached over and picked up the phone, dialed the numbers that had become so familiar to him over the years. 

"Bella here. How can I help you?"

"It's me…Will."

Knowing exactly why he called, she asked, "Are you okay?" She sat behind the counter in the shop, legs crossed on top of it. She closed her eyes and sighed heavily, waiting for him to answer.

"No, but I will be," he said, sounding melancholy. 

"You will be, I know you will."

Will, holding back tears, "How am I going to do this? I don't think I can take seeing them together. It would be too much."

Bella, understanding perfectly, offered, "You're just going to have to learn. It takes time. I'll help you." 

"Thanks."

Abruptly she added, "So will Scout."

At the sound of Scout's name, Will hesitantly said, "I don't think he can help me there."

"Why not?" Bella's heart pounded in her chest, faster than normal, her mind raced with what Will could possibly say.

"Because…well…he never got over you."

For a moment, Will heard nothing from the other line. Then, a small, soft whimper came, followed by louder sobs. "Bella, what's wrong?"

"That's…that's…I don't believe it," was the rejoinder. He wasn't over her. All this time, she thought that he'd forgotten about her. That he'd moved on. Now, with those five words, everything about the past eight years changed completely. She stayed quiet for some time. Will didn't speak a word, however, she could hear him breathing, waiting patiently for her to say something. 

"I never got over him either. I loved him. I still do."

Surprised, he said, "Oh my god. Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's not important now. I thought it would be easier that way, you know? To keep it to myself. To let him live his life."

Shaking his head, "Yeah, look at what keeping things to ourselves got us."

"Yeah."

"Did you ever tell him?"

"No."

"It's not too late."

Crying a little harder now, Bella replied, "It is Will. It's been too late for a long time now."

For Will, that was not acceptable. All this time, Bella still held on to Scout and Scout still held on to Bella. While it had been a long while, Will knew that there was still a chance for them. Though things didn't work out for him the way he hoped they would, he refused that to be the case for them. He was going to do something to help them. Somehow, he was going to make it happen. 

"Don't say that. Never say you don't want to try if you can't let go."

Bella's cries began to fade. Purposely avoiding further discussion of the matter, she asked, "Is there anything I can do? Really, if there's anything, anything at all…"

"No, I'll be fine. Talking to you has helped enough."

"If you need me, you know where to find me."

Laughing at the thought of Bella still pumping gas after all these years, he quipped, "I know."

"I guess I'll see ya when I see ya."

"Yeah, see ya when I see ya."

"Bye Will." Not giving him a chance to say the same, she hung up the phone. She opened a drawer beneath her legs, and took out an old picture. It was of her and Scout during a summer picnic. Hamilton had taken it and given it to her the day before he, Will, and Jake, left for California. It was a candid shot, capturing Scout and Bella sharing a tender moment, laughing as they smashed whip cream across each other's face. Bella smiled as she looked at the photo, drying off her tears with her sleeve. 

"It's better this way," she whispered before placing the picture back where she got it from and heading out the door to attend to a waiting customer. 


	13. After All is Said and Done

Part 13

Part 13

****

9: 15 a.m.

"Can you believe how many people were in there? I've never seen so many people in that coffee shop on a Saturday morning!" exclaimed Jake as she pushed through the doors of the apartment building. Hamilton followed right behind her, holding two tall cups of coffee in his hands.

They made their way to the elevator and as soon as Jake pressed the elevator call button, the door opened to reveal Will Krudski with a duffel bag on his shoulder and a large box, filled with his belongings, in his arms.

"What are you doing?" Jake questioned upon seeing him. She was completely taken aback at what was before her.

Will, without looking at either of Jake or Hamilton, moved right past them and answered, "Exactly what it looks like."

"What? Will? Why?' asked Hamilton as he and Jake scampered after him. Will walked to a red convertible parked in front of the building and placed his things in the back seat along with some boxes that were already there. After he finished, he turned to them, hands in pockets, and addressed them.

"We all know that this living arrangement isn't going to work anymore considering…" he said, pausing momentarily. "Well, considering what has happened in the last 24 hours."

Jake knew that something like this was going to happen—just not so soon. The worse part of it all, was she was responsible—in her mind at least. A feeling of guilt overcame her, along with the fear of losing one of the most important people in her life. Moving closer to him, she offered, "B-but Will, just because…Hamilton and I…"stopping, uncertain as to how to get out what she wanted to say. "It doesn't mean you have to leave."

His eyes cast on the cars passing by, he responded, "Yeah it does."

"No it doesn't. Not now at least, just…I dunno…just not now."

"Ever since this whole thing started, I haven't had one sane thought. I haven't slept right, eaten well…I have been able to write. I'm losing it here," he answered, a tinge of frustration in his voice.

Jake protested, "What do you mean? Everything you write is great."

"Great because you inspired every word," Will retorted, looking into her eyes. "I think it's time I find my inspiration elsewhere."

"I'm so sorry Will. You have every right to be mad at me but please, please don't go," Jake pleaded, on the brink of tears.

Taking a hold of her arms, "I'm not mad. I just need time—to figure things out, get back to reality. Don't worry, I won't be gone forever. You're my best friend. Nothing could ever change that."

She flung her arms around him, her tear stained face brushing against his cheek. " God, what would I do without you?"

Still in her tight embrace he quipped, "Probably star in B-rated films."

She slapped the back of his head mildly. They smiled, as did Hamilton, who stood in Will's view.

"I'm gonna miss you," Jake professed, pulling out of their lock.

"Well, I'm sure Ham can help with that," he remarked, getting Hamilton's sideway smirk in response. 

He walked over to Will and thrust his hand forward. "I wish things didn't have to be this way," he said as Will clasped Hamilton's hand for a handshake.

"Me too," he rejoined simply. Eyeing the steering wheel, he said, "I guess I better get going."

"Where to?" Hamilton inquired, now standing next to Jake with his arm draped around her shoulder.

"I don't know yet. Maybe I'll take the road less traveled," returned Will, hoping over the door and plopping into the driver's seat.

Laughing at his literary reference, Jake declared, "For once, stop reminding us that you're a freaking genius!"

As he turned on the engine, he replied, "It's not my fault you took up the fine arts, Ms. Pratt, actress extraordinaire!"

"Whatever Mr. I-have-an Oscar winning screenplay!" she yelled back.

Smiling at her, he remarked, "All right, I better go." He looked up at the sky and at the same moment, a cool breeze whistled through. "I hate New York in March. It's so…"

"In between," Jake finished. "I know what you mean."

With that, Will pulled away from the curb and drove off. He put his right arm in the air and waved it left to right, just once, before he turned the corner and disappeared behind the buildings.

Hamilton and Jake stood on the sidewalk, their arms around each other's waist, watching until he could no longer be seen.

"He'll be okay. We all will," Hamilton said, kissing Jake's forehead.

She smiled at him and answered softly, "I know."

Picking up the now cold coffee from a newsstand, he tossed them in trash. He took Jake's hand and said, "Come on, let's go for a walk."

As they walked down the street, Hamilton put his hand in his pocket and felt for something—a small, velvet pouch. It was similar to the one in Jake's box not only in size and shape, but also in contents. They walked for a long while before they reached the park, where the stopped and sat in the same spot they had the night before. 

Jake looked at him lovingly and whispered, "I love you."

"Yeah, that would be that part."

He got up from the bench and stood in front of her, still holding her hand in his. She gazed at him with real tenderness, her heart filled with nothing but love and hope. The man who stood before her wasn't just any man, but the one person who made her complete. They'd been apart for so long, yet in one night, they were able to overcome all the pain and heartache and start again. The words that were spoken that night were not important, rather, those that were unspoken. In his eyes—those eyes, deeper than the oceans—she found herself, the part of herself that died when he left. She loved him and he loved her—beyond anything in this world, beyond life itself.

Tears gleamed in her eyes. Hamilton saw this and a sign of worry showed in his eyes. To placate his fears, Jake smiled and uttered again, "I love you."

At this, Hamilton dropped to one knee, his eyes never leaving hers. Knowing that there was nothing else he needed to say, Hamilton held up the beautiful diamond ring and his voice—sweet, low, and infinitely tender—said, "Marry me Jake. Marry me."

Her tears of joy now trickled down her face; her voice, like sweet music, choked with tears. Nodding, she answered, "Yes."

__

Here I am 

Looking in the mirror 

An open face, the pain erased 

Now the sky is clearer 

I can see the sun 

Now that all is, all is said and done

There you are 

Always strong when I need you 

You let me give 

And now I live, seriously and protected 

With the one I will love 

After all is, all is said and done 

I once believed that hearts were made to bleed 

But now I'm not afraid to say 

I need you, I need you so stay with me

These precious hours 

Greet each dawn in open arms 

And dream, into tomorrow 

Where there's only love 

After all is, all is said and done 

I'll never be afraid to say

I need you, I need you, so 

So here we are in the still of this moment 

Fear is gone, hope lives on 

We found our happy ending 

For there's only love 

And this sweet, sweet love 

After all is, all is said and done

****

THE END

(not really! I have written a continuation of this fic called "All You Can't Leave Behind.")


End file.
